Open Letter to Parishioners at the End of My Curacy

At the beginning of a new year most people reflect back over the past year, and look forward with hope to the new year.  This new year has arrived the day after my curacy at St. James and Emmanuel ended.  And so I look back over the past three-and-a-half years as your curate, and I look forward to the start of something completely new in the future. 

The first thing I want to say to you all is ‘thank you’.  When I think back to the beginning of my curacy, I remember being very warmly welcomed at both churches.  I was so ‘green’ at ministry; I almost cringe to remember it!  But as you were forgiving and tolerant of me, so I have been able to learn from the numerous mistakes I have made. 

Serving in a parish as diverse as St James with Emmanuel has broadened my experience in so many ways, which will stand me in good stead for the future.  New Brighton is an amazing community of people.  As your curate over the past 3 ½ years, I’ve had the deep privilege of sharing with many of you some of life’s most challenging and intense moments:  births and baptisms, marriages, deaths and many other pastoral situations.  We’ve celebrated together in worship and for a variety of special occasions.  I will remember this time for ever, and will be holding you all in prayer as I move on to other places. 

As I write, I am preparing for an interview in a parish not too far away; as yet, I cannot as yet say where it is - but soon as possible, I will let you all know.  No matter what happens, please know that I will remember you with love.  Thank you all so much for what you have given me over the past few years.  Never forget:  All things are possible with God.  May God bless you and keep you.  Love, Karen.

Third Year Ramblings

The Curacy Cafe's days are numbered.  It has been three years, and hopefully, at some stage over the next six months, I will be moving out of the assistant curate role into the role of an incumbent vicar.  It will be a big change, and I'm already mourning the relative calm experienced when you're not the one who is ultimately responsible for the running of the parish.  I feel ready though.  I'm ready to put the vision that God has given me into practice and action.  I'm excited most about working collaboratively with people and doing everything I can to equip people for mission and ministry. 

I don't know yet where I will be going.  Most of my curate colleagues have already obtained posts.  But I am still waiting.  It is an anxious time, not just for me but for my family.  There are possibilities in the pipeline, but nothing is certain at this time. It is a time for patience and trust. 

It's hard to put into words all that I've learned over the past three years.  And I'm still learning. At the moment, I'm busy working with the vicar from a neighbouring parish in the schools that she is involved with (blooming hard work, coming up with fresh assemblies every week), and I'm leading a weekly discipleship course, "Life on the Frontline", from LICC, which is inspiring and encouraging and refreshing. 

I had a wonderful evening last night leading prayers as Chaplain at the Sea Cadets, who put on an excellent display for the Lord Lieutenant of Merseyside, Dame Lorna Muirhead.  And we're off next week on an outing with our Lunch Club, with people from our community who have mental health problems, to a candle factory in Beeston, to be followed by a stop at the Cheshire Farm Ice Cream shop. All great stuff.  It's not all wonderful, though, of course... as life runs alongside death at all times in this life - I have a funeral next week for a stillborn baby.  And we continue to minster to parishioners who are facing serious issues.  There's always a tension between the opposite ends of ministry. 

I'm nearly finished with my Master's, with just the dissertation outstanding.  Completing the assignments, alongside everything else, has been a challenge, but I'm excited about starting the dissertation- the focus will be on church growth.  Will try to blog about that later after it gets going.

Anyway, my posts seem to be few and far-between lately, probably because this is such a transitional time.  I'm trying to decide whether I want to blog anymore at all when my curacy is finished.  I may be too busy then .  It has been quite good, though, dipping my toe into the waters of the blogosphere during my curacy. 

Leadership

I've been thinking a lot about leadership lately.  I'm writing an essay on church discipline and its relevance in the 21st century church, and of course the leader of a church has a role in that.  There have been some interesting online debates recently about church discipline - if you're interested take a look at Matthew Paul Turner's blog.

But my thoughts on leadership have been much wider than just church discipline, and it seems I'm not the only one who is thinking a lot about 21st century church leadership lately (see Mike Friesen's blog here, here and here, for instance).

In my research for this essay I've found some great books, which I highly recommend: 

The Fourfold Leadership of Jesus, by Andrew Watson, an Anglican vicar;

7 Deadly Sins of Women in Leadership by Kate Coleman, a Baptist minister;

Post-Christendom:  Church and Mission in a Strange New World by Stuart Murray, an Anabaptist and overseer of Urban Expression, a pioneering urban church planting agency;

and Leadership:  a Critical Text by Simon Western, a Quaker, and the Director of Coaching at the Management School, Lancaster University.

At this point in my curacy (in my final year) I'm reflecting a lot on what kind of leader I want to be and what kind of leader God wants me to be.  I'm thinking about what kind of leadership style I'm inclined towards, and how I might need to push beyond my natural comfort zones to really go where God wants to take me in terms of leading a church as an incumbent.  It's quite exciting, really.  This is such an interesting time in Christianity in the west.  Interesting and very challenging. 

I quite like it that the books listed above, the ones I really got a lot out of, are written by people from four different traditions.  One thing I warmed to about all four books is their common emphasis on the need for collaboration and community.  The 21st century does not take well to domineering, heirarchical leadership, but a multi-voiced, sensitive, listening, serving and enabling kind of leadership is what many are calling for, with vision, attentive to the Spirit. Bring it on!

One week

On Sunday we had our annual Lifeboat service, which I led, and the vicar preached (an excellent sermon).  You can read about our local Lifeboat station and see some photo's of the service here (click here).  I really enjoyed talking to the Lifeboat crewmembers after the service over coffee, because all those I spoke with were amazing guys - so humble and down-to-earth and yet what they do is so giving and sacrificial and really a gift to the community. 

On Monday I had the pleasure of meeting for lunch and discussion with many other women clergy from our archdeaconry, our Dean of Women in Ministry, our Archdeacon and our Suffragan Bishop.  I really enjoyed meeting with other women clergy, especially those I had not yet met.  I love hearing other people's stories of ministry challenges.  In our group discussion we mainly talked about the Church of England's draft legislation on women bishops, particularly the debates that have been happening in local deaneries.  Later on Monday I hosted a ministry team meeting at my house, which I always enjoy because we do talk about things that really matter in the parish, i.e. mission and ministry. 

On Tuesday I conducted a funeral for a baby that lived for just under an hour after being born at 23 weeks gestation.  I had seen the baby's photograph and handprints and footprints, which were just precious.  The mother and father, of course, were devastated.  It was very intense conducting this funeral, compared with how it feels to conduct the funeral of someone in their 90's.  Tuesday evening I attended the Sea Cadets unit where I am chaplain (or Padre).  After colours and prayers I sat in on the Meteorology class, all about clouds and their names and characteristics.  I enjoy getting to know the cadets and having a laugh with them, and the staff are great. 

On Wednesday morning I worked on my two sermons for Sunday.  In the afternoon I got a phonecall from my training incumbent asking if I would go see a parishioner in hospital who, he had been informed, was dying.  This woman was 93 years old and I had visited her at home several times.  At hospital I found her unconscious and breathing was shallow.  The nurse said that she had been alright the night before, but took a turn in the night for the worse.  The woman's two closest friends were there, as she has no family.  I held her hand and prayed with her, the last rites, and read from the psalms and other parts of the bible.  A couple hours after I returned home, I was told that she passed away.  What a deep mystery death is - she passed very peacefully, but I'm sure she heard me, and her friends, while we were there. 

Today, Thursday, in the morning I made sandwiches for the new Lunch Club that was launched today.  Our Lay Reader publicised this lunch club to several establishments around our community where there are people who have mental illnesses, inviting them to come for lunch on the first Thursday of each month.  We had a turn-out of 10 guests, which I thought was super.  It was an immense privilege being involved in this today, and I look forward to the next one.  These people were good to be with.  Then, in the afternoon, I went with one of my parishioners to the opening of the Wirral Food Bank warehouse, and to meet with the guy whose running it.  My car boot was full of food donations, from our Harvest Festival, so it was wonderful to off-load that.  We are considering whether our church might be able to be a distributor for the food, for people in our area.  It's very exciting!

Usually we have music group practice on a Thursday night, but thankfully it was cancelled tonight.  Tomorrow is my day off.  Saturday, well, I still have to finish the two sermons for Sunday, don't I!  A week in the life of a curate. 

Hospitality to Strangers

At around 9:30pm the other evening a man came to the door.  "Let me in!" he shouted aggressively, and then, as if it would help his case, he added "it's Mark".  I could see through the opaque glass window of the locked door that he was a big man; he sounded drunk, and I don't know anyone called Mark, so I said "No, I'm not going to let you in - you're at the wrong house!", assuming he'd misidentified where he was. 

Now when something like this happens, various thoughts flash through the mind very quickly.  I'm a Christian - I'm a priest - does that mean I should always open my door to strangers?  No, don't unlock the door, the children could be endangered.  There's a Stanley knife on the sidetable - should I move it/hide it/keep hold of it?  What if he got in - what would I do? 

My husband came downstairs to see what was the cause of the raised voices, and he, too, said loudly: "You're at the wrong house, mate!".  Mark hung round our door for a good 15 minutes, occasionally wandering down the drive shouting and coming back to try the door handle.  We had phoned the police, who said that under no circumstances should we unlock the door, and by the time the patrol car arrived, Mark was gone, into the night, and we haven't seen him again. 

When something like this happens, it feels as if your secure domestic invulnerability-bubble has burst.  And something else begins to dawn on us.  Sometime over the course of this year, God willing, we will be moving house, into a vicarage, when I begin my first incumbency.  Right now we live in the house we've lived in for 11 years, a normal suburban house.  When we move into a vicarage, it is often signposted 'The Vicarage', and it's usually next door to the church.  Will we have any semblance of a domestic bubble then?  Will strangers be knocking on the door on a regular basis?  How will the family cope if/when that happens? 

Of course, this isn't the first time I've thought about this.  From the beginning of priestly vocational discernment, we are encouraged to reflect hard on the reality that this calling will demand a level of availability.  And in my curacy, my training incumbent has told stories of times when strangers have come to his vicarage door and he has given them food.  And the bible gives examples of God's desire that hospitality is shown to strangers, for example Abraham and Sarah inviting the three strangers in, Genesis 18.  And Hebrews 13:2 - "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."

I guess I'll never know whether our 'Mark' was an angel in disguise.  But I'm thankful the event ended without violence, and I'm thankful for the calming influence of the two policemen who came round.  There has to be a difference between welcoming strangers on the one hand, and foolishly putting your family in danger on the other.  This is another one of those 'boundaries' issues that keep cropping up as I learn through this curacy.  Boundaries around and between my home and family and ministry, alongside the calling to be open and generous with hospitality to all.    Praying for wisdom and discernment.

Practicing forgiveness

This is wonderful - and for me it's such a timely video of Miroslav Volf on Forgiveness that has been shared by Mike Friesen in his great blog.

Miroslav Volf wrote the book, Against the Tide, which was assigned reading for us curates, and I also have had to write a critical reflection on that book for one of the modules for my master's degree course.

Volf is a pacifist, and though I found Against the Tide a little frustrating because of it's format, another of his books, Exclusion and Embrace, is excellent.

Fit for life (or at least the next three months)

My training incumbent is now away on a three month sabbatical. Right from the first day of his absence, I have noticed my phone has rung quite a lot more often. I think the next three months will be good for me. My plan is to use this time to improve my organisational, admin and time-management abilities, and to make a strategic effort to increase my energy levels. After all, ordained ministry is a marathon and not a sprint! I need energy to focus on ministry and mission, and to be the person God calls me to be. I know I won’t function well in the long run if I don’t make some changes. These changes mainly revolve around discipline in the following areas: eating, exercise, leisure, prayer and study time, and sleep. My purpose in writing this blog post is to keep myself accountable to my intentions. Any readers are welcome to support me in this effort with encouragement and prayer!

Eating: My aim is to try and stop using chocolate as an instant energy and feel-good drug. I’m not saying that I’ll cut out chocolate completely, but I’m going to try to cease ‘using’ it any more. In addition, I’m going to try to eat healthier in general. I’m going to try to let the phrase ‘you are what you eat’ inform my choices!

Exercise: I know that exercise increases my energy levels and my sense of well-being; I just haven’t been prioritising it or making time for it. I’m going to try to do this more often. Fortunately, we live in an area that lends itself to walks, and this gives the added benefit of time with my husband, if we go walking together.

Leisure: A parishioner recently suggested that it’s arguable whether clergy should have a day off. This was casually said after I had conducted two funerals on what should have been my day off, at the end of what was a very busy week indeed. I suppose many parishioners aren’t aware of what this vocation actually means (or entails) in practice. That aside, I am not doing a very good job of keeping my day off. I’m very aware of this, and I’m hoping with improvements in other areas I will get better at sanctifying time off. I recently wrote an essay with a focus on personal and professional boundaries, and that was helpful, getting me to reflect on that very important issue.

Prayer and study time: I pray contantly. I study quite a lot, too. But I feel the need to be more disciplined and focused in these areas. It’s interesting that since my training incumbent has been away, I’ve been drawn back to the Common Worship Morning Prayer liturgy. Yes, it’s wordy, but I find it sets me up well for the day, and covers all the bases. The online version is great because the readings and prayers are all there for each day. I’m also working my way through Brian McLaren’s Naked Spirituality, in which he shares a simple yet effective discipline of connection with God. Regarding the study time, as a curate I’m supposed to have a designated ‘study day’, but this has never materialised for me. I think parish obligations have probably got in the way of this, because we have two churches. It’s my responsibility to make time for study, so I need to prioritise the need for it, especially now while I am a curate.

Sleep: This is related a bit to the ‘boundaries’ issue – like many people, I find it hard to ‘switch off’ at night and sleep. The concerns of the parish come to bed with me! I have made a concerted effort not to stay up too late (I used to be very bad at doing this), so that’s an improvement. In a way, it would be unusual if I never let things worry me, but hopefully, with the added exercise and changes in diet and attention to adequate leisure, sleep will come easier. Last night I took some mineral supplements – calcium and magnesium – which my mother says help her sleep. I had one of the best sleeps for a long time, so maybe there’s something in it.

Everything is linked. I hope my efforts in these areas will combine and build upon each other to give me more energy and ultimately that it will result in an increased ability to do the work God asks of me in ministry - in the parish, in family life and in my personal wholeness and well-being. If we want to participate in God’s new creation, we had better keep ourselves fit for purpose! I hope and pray that my training incumbent’s sabbatical helps both him, and me, along that way.

A prayer by John Cosin (1594-1672):
Be thou a light unto my eyes, music to mine ears, sweetness to my taste, and full contentment to my heart. Be thou my sunshine in the day, my food at table, my repose in the night, my clothing in nakedness, and my succour in all necessities. Lord Jesu, I give thee my body, my soul, my substance, my fame, my friends, my liberty and my life. Dispose of me and all that is mine as it may seem best to thee and to the glory of thy blessed name.

Amen.

Easterly things

Easter started for me last week when our church hosted the local primary school for 'Experience Easter', a great resource created by the Gloucester Diocese. Six 'stations': Palm Sunday, Washing the disciples feet, the Last Supper, the Garden of Gethsemene, the Cross, and the Empty Tomb. All the lovely volunteer station leaders were blessed by this interactive way of engaging the school children. We hope the children were blessed by it, too, and will remember at least some of it during Eastertime.

Palm Sunday itself was a wonderful day at church because we had a Confirmation service at the same time, with six people being confirmed including my darling 12-year-old son. The vicar taught the confirmation classes for the three adult candidates and I taught the three youngsters. It was a blessing and a privilege to teach them - so much fun, and a challenge, too, keeping them engaged with it all.

The week has been busy, but I had time last night to go to the Liverpool Anglican Cathedral to hear Rob Bell speak about his new book, 'Love Wins' (I recommend it highly). Tonight is the Agape Meal at church; tomorrow is Good Friday of course, and I'm going on the ecumenical Walk of Witness. There are Easter Crafts at church, at which my daughter is helping, and the 'three hours at the cross' devotions, and in the evening, Stainer's 'Crucifixion' from our excellent choir. Easter Sunday starts early for me with the 8:00am BCP Holy Communion service at one church followed by 9:45am Holy Communion at t'other.

A blessed and joyful Easter to all!

Sustenance

Among my usual curacy activities of sermon and service preparation, visiting, chaplaincy, funerals, meetings, IME coursework and teaching the confirmation class, I've been involved in a particularly intense ongoing pastoral situation for the past six months that has greatly challenged my personal emotional, physical and spiritual resources. As part of my continuing education, I'm currently writing a paper on pastoral ministry and through this a question has come up: what is sustaining me through all of this?

Well, the short answer, in my view, is: the Holy Spirit. I know the Spirit is sustaining me and equipping me because I know I couldn't do this on my own. My faith is as strong as ever. But because of this particularly challenging ongoing situation, I've been finding it very difficult to focus during prayer time. I'm more easily distracted than usual. I find music very helpful for this, especially instrumental music. I'm not as chatty with God in prayer at the moment - I often just need to sit still in God's presence and not say too much apart from the occasional lifting up names of people who are in need.

The bible has always been significant in sustaining me and that's not changed, though I only seem to be able to manage small bites lately. I have less energy and often need a nap to sustain me. I often stay up too late and I'm not sleeping very well. I'm my own worst enemy, though, and I know I need to get more exercise (or at least some exercise) and make better eating choices, which would help all around.

I would like to say that my family also sustains me, but I'm not too sure at the moment! Sometimes they do, but sometimes they don't. That's the reality of family, of course... I couldn't live without them. I am really looking forward to our holiday back home to California in the summer. I haven't met with my Spiritual Director for quite a while. I think I really should set up a meeting with her. My training incumbent deserves a mention here, too, as he helps me to reflect on ministry and offers a listening ear.

In this role I have witnessed the effects of some of the worst things humans can do to others, but also I've witnessed some of the best things of humanity. My heart alternates between swelling with love and joy and throbbing with pain for another. But I remain hopeful. My fundamentally optimistic nature helps. But really what sustains me is my faith - faith in a good God, in a God who does care - faith in a God who is making all things new, even though it is painful. We do need sustenance to persevere. St. Paul teaches us a lot about perseverance and endurance. I think I'll go read him right now.

Ring Bell for Church Renewal

Thank God for people like John Bell. We had an 'optional' IME day today (IME = Initial Ministerial Education, or curate training day) with John Bell of the Iona Community and I'm sure glad I took the option to attend. Bell's easy and authentic way of communicating was warming and inspiring.

The theme was something along the lines of sacred spaces and symbols, and discussion revolved initially around things like church architecture, reordering the space so that it speaks of such important qualities as welcome, gathered community, singing praise, word & table & heavenly kingdom. Some of our churches are a product of their time, architecturally speaking. Individual private worship in rigid pews, austere aesthetics, high distant altar, etc. Bell talked about ways churches can change (eek! change???) to become more meaningful authentic worship spaces that reflect Jesus as being right there among his people. Chairs instead of pews, arranged in the round with a central table seems to be Bell's vision, and this happens in places. I'm quite attracted to the idea. The solid arguments for change must be based on the need to welcome all, for the sake of effective mission and evangelism.

A question was brought up from the audience about projector screens. I think the asker was asking about the screen as a central focal point and Bell's views on this, but his reply was interesting. His concern was the fleeting nature of song lyrics on a screen, as opposed to the permanence of black ink on a service sheet or songbook. People cannot reflect as easily on song lyrics that vanish immediately from sight after being sung as they can when, perhaps during the sermon, they can revisit the text of the lyrics on the sheet or in a book. They can often see who wrote the song or hymn, and when it was written, too. Bell spoke of the ability of the words to minister to us, and asks whether this ministry is as effective if the words just disappear. He suggests if a screen is used to also use books or song sheets as well, and don't worry about the trees in this instance, it is worth it. If you're concerned about the trees, protest against all the junk mail or free 'news' papers everywhere, he said.

In the second half of the day Bell focussed on symbols. First, using the wedding service as an example, he asked us to think about what the actions are really symbolising. If a couple who already have been living together decide to wed in the traditional manner of father 'giving away' the bride, what is this meaning? People do like tradition, though, for its own sake, even if they haven't thought much about the meaning at all. And why do the congregation, who after all are there as 'witnesses', only get to see the backsides of the bride and groom during the ceremony? Apparently this has origins in the days when weddings were much quieter and smaller affairs, often held in the parsonage with only a couple of witnesses.

Music is also a symbolic thing. Our God is a symbolic God - this is shown in the bible when God asks his people, for example, to build rock cairns at places of significance. Jesus gave us the most potent symbols of bread and wine as his body and his blood. Bell cautioned against the use of symbolic actions in worship if it hasn't got relevance - there is a difference between symbolic action and gimmicry.

Finally, Bell demonstrated how the wonderful songs from the Iona Community can be used in a liturgical setting, especially the short songs, which are like chants, really. Prayers or bible readings can be interspersed with these short songs, and we tried out a few and they were lovely. 'Church renewal' is what the Iona Community says its about, and John Bell is a wonderful, inspirational spokesperson. God bless him.

If you have love for one another

Yesterday we had the last of our 'circumstance-dictated' joint services with the two churches in my parish. The heating in the older building has now been fixed, so the two congregations can return to separate spaces. The past three weeks of togetherness have been good, with a larger congregation and the voices of two choirs, worshipping and fellowshipping together. Many old grievances and walls between the two churches are melting away as time passes and each church reaches out to the other. The diocesan GAP (Growth Action Plan) process has been helpful in speeding up this process as both churches work together in mission, as has the patient care and hard graft of the vicar, my training incumbent.

This parish has an interesting history. In the early days, the two churches each had their own vicar. Then for a while the parish consisted of three churches, under one vicar. Subsequently, one of these churches joined with a different church as a united benefice, leaving this parish with its current configuration of two churches under one vicar (with curate).

I have said before that these two churches are very different in style. One is in an old building, built in the 1850's, and has more traditional forms of worship, with an 8am Book of Common Prayer Holy Communion service (written in 1662), without any hymns or songs; a 10:30 Common Worship service (written in 2000), with traditional hymns, organ and robed choir; and a 5 pm service of Choral Evensong, which again is from the 1662 Book of Common Prayer, and again incorporates traditional hymns, organ and robed choir. The interior of the building is traditional, with pews, formal choir stalls, high altar, and Lady Chapel. The chancel walls are painted with beautiful frescoes, but they in need of repair. There is no church hall, as it was sold off years ago, but there is a space at the back of church which has been re-ordered to make room for fellowship, with a kitchen and lavatories, and a small room for Sunday School (there are 2 children who attend regularly at present).

The second church's building used to be old, too, but the old building had to be demolished and a new, smaller building sprung up in 2001. As you come in the front door, the new building has a small coffee lounge leading to a worship space (people here refer to that part as 'the church'), and on into a hall, where the uniformed groups such as Brownies, Cubs, Guides and Scouts meet throughout the week, and where the Sunday School is held on during the main service. There are about 8 children who regularly attend Sunday School, and once a month we have a Parade Service with the uniformed groups, where there are about 40 children present. At the Parade services, a band plays with brass, keyboard, flutes, clarinets and guitars. It's an all-age band, which I am in, as are my two kids. This church has also got a robed choir, but they sit in normal chairs like the rest of the congregation. There are no pews, and there is no Lady Chapel. There is a small organ (not a large pipe organ like in the other church), but there is no organist at present, so the music for worship comes via CD's. This church uses some traditional hymns but also more contemporary worship songs, and they do not use hymn books, they project the words onto a screen.

Recently with the joint services some people from the traditional church were inspired to comment after experiencing the worship at the less formal church that they would like something different from time to time in their more formal church. My heart leaps in hearing this. The all-age all-instrument band has been invited to play on occasion at the more formal church, too, and so far has been well-received. Things are moving, and it is exciting to witness. One church member is going to start up Messy Church there soon - how wonderful is that?! In fact, the GAP process has invigorated both churches in many ways. Its such a privilege to be part of the church as the body of Christ and to be involved with others as we all seek to be faithful disciples. May we continue to listen and be open to the Spirit's leading.

Blogging

I'm thinking I would like to start blogging a bit more on thoughts or reflections rather than mainly just posting my sermons. One problem with this, though, is that a lot of what happens in ministry is confidential, or its stuff that wouldn't be right to put out there into the wide open blogosphere. For example, recently I've been feeling quite bruised by some criticism targeted at a particular service that I was involved in. I felt the criticism was unfounded and in fact, petty, but to go into detail about it here just doesn't feel right. And I've been involved in some highly intense pastoral situations, but they are certainly not appropriate to write about. This reflects the nature of the job, and also underscores to a certain extent its isolating aspect.

Another problem is the risk of being labelled [liberal, conservative, evangelical, catholic, orthodox, heretic - take your pick - although like Brian McLaren I would hope that I'm all those and more], when a particular flag is flown or cause promoted (though some of that might be discerned from the sermons anyway). One never knows who reads the blog, and though truth matters, so does my future ministry. Whether to be bold in this or not, the most important thing to me is that I am faithful to the gospel as I understand it.

I had a visit from the Diocesan Director of Curates (at least that's what I call him - not sure of his official title), and we talked a bit about the interesting phenomenon of online social networking and blogs (he has a blog, a facebook and a twitter account himself). We both agreed that it doesn't make sense to bury your head in the sand re: the opportunities that online communication affords. If we want to be able to relate to this generation, this stuff isn't going to go away.

I love reading the blogs that I'm subscribed to. I sometimes wish I blogged like Rachel in Revise Reform or maybe like Rev Elizabeth in The Rev and a Dog or like NRIGirl in Coffee with Jesus, but as anyone can see, those are very different blogs, and anyway, I should just be myself, I guess. I just feel a little stuck in a rut. But evolution is natural, so, who knows?

Advent 1

I've been too busy to post lately.

We had a great all-age Advent Sunday service last week, followed by the Deanery Advent Carol Service in the evening, both of which I led. Boy, I was exhausted at the end of it all!

Last year December was almost overwhelming, my first December as an ordained minister. This year I feel much more prepared, at least mentally. All the extra services combined with the family's expectations (not to mention my son's birthday) and unexpected pastoral situations, December is very busy.

This weekend is my son's birthday party, a sleepover followed by a trip to Blackpool (Ramp City indoor skateboard park). Six 12-year-olds. Will I get any sleep?

Also on Sunday is the annual Christmas Tree service, where we decorate the tree at church, and the band plays the music for the carols. I am leading the service and I am also in the band (guitar), along with my son (cornet) and daughter (flute). Should be fun.

I like Advent, because in this season we make a big deal about both the Incarnation and also the Second Coming. The Incarnation is just mind-blowing, that God would dwell amongst us in the form (at the beginning at least) of a little baby. Christ's return is something I yearn for - the new creation - come soon Lord Jesus.

Priesthood

As it is, I am an ordained deacon. As of Saturday afternoon, June 19th, I will be an ordained priest. The wonderful people in my parish ask me if I am excited, or if I am looking forward to it. Definitely yes, and yes. But that is mixed up with a whole cocktail of other emotions as well.

This time last year when I was ordained as a deacon, I couldn't imagine being ordained priest. Gradually as the year has progressed, with experiences gained and much prayer and seeking after God, my imagination has been stretched. The composition of my being seems increasingly perfused with 'priestly' qualities. And the formal ordination service marks the point at which I will be able, with authority given by God and by the Church, to use those qualities in profound ways to serve God and to serve people.

Not too many years ago, I was fairly anti-priestly-authority, fairly anti-church-heirarchy and institutionalism. I still am, on many levels. I've always believed in the 'priesthod of all believers' (1 Peter 2:9). I long for the 'priesthood of all believers' to be full-on enabled and released into ministry. I wonder if the ordained priesthood as a stipendiary office would even be necessary if the priesthood of all believers were fully engaged in the world.

What does it mean to be a priest in Christ's church, when Christ himself is our High Priest (Hebrews 5)? In the Old Testament, a priest was a mediator between God and his people. There was a curtain in the Temple through which only the priest could pass to access God in the holy of holies, where the Ark of the Covenant rested. When Jesus was crucified, the temple curtain was torn in two (Matthew 27:51). Jesus opened up the way to God for us all, by his death on the cross. No longer is any earthly mediator required for any of us to have access to God; our heavenly mediator is Christ, and we ourselves live in Christ through his Spirit.

This is why I've never really liked the title priest to describe what we do today, because it can confuse the role that priests should fulfil in these post-resurrection days. But this is what they are called in many denominations, and so long as the role is clear and not abused (which sadly, it often is), then I can just manage to get my head around it. For me, being ordained as a priest will be a commissioning, a releasing, to be and to do what God has put me on this earth to be and to do. I just pray I will be faithful to this.

So the role is about both being and doing. But if there's no longer any need for the Old Testament priestly function, what do priests today do? I came across this incisive poem about being a priest, on the blog of an ordinand who seems also to wrestle a lot with the notion of priesthood and ordination. I'm so grateful we have a God who doesn't mind our wrestling with him and with the mysteries of his purposes (I've always loved Genesis 32:22-32 where Jacob wrestles with God).

Yes, I am very excited about Saturday, and about Sunday, when I will preside for the first time at Holy Communion, and be able to say the Absolution and the Blessing. It is a great privilege to be able to do this kind of work full-time. Please pray for me and for all those who are called to ordained ministry of whatever form. I pray that in our ministry, the name of Christ will be honoured above all else; unto him be all honour and glory for ever. Amen.

Miscellanea

Haven't posted for a while, so thought I would just say what I've been up to and what's ahead. I had a great day today. After seeing the two kids off to school, the usual morning prayers were said with my training incumbent, followed by some enjoyable conversation and play with the 'carers and tots' group, held every Monday at one of the two churches (there is also a Tuesday group held at the other church). Delivered the monthly parish newsletter to my usual two streets (there are several other volunteers and around 500 homes reached). I enjoy that - perhaps missed a calling as a postman? (what is the gender neutral term for postman?) A few emails and a few phone calls with the funeral director and someone wanting to discuss doing ecumenical outreach. Worked for a bit on Thursday's sermon; also went to the bank. After the kids got home from school, had to take my daughter to get some new school shoes and later after cooking dinner, I helped my son create an elephant costume to wear to school tomorrow.

Tomorrow is an 'IME' day, which is our continuing education scheme as curates. The theme for tomorrow is 'Growing Church', so it sounds like its right up my street. Looking forward to it. Also tomorrow in the evening I plan to attend my first Sea Cadets meeting, and this will become a regular feature in my parish ministry.

Wednesday I must finish up my sermon for Thursday and the funeral service that is also on Thursday. Should also make a pastoral visit. Thursday, of course, is Holy Communion when I will be preaching, followed by a funeral. Thursday evening I'll start working on Sunday's sermon. Friday is my day off, so I might take half of that to potter around doing nothing much at all, and the rest of it catching up on housework and tidying my study. Saturday I have Diocesan Synod to attend. So that is my week.

I'm looking ahead with excited anticipation to several events: a train journey down to London to visit an old high school friend; my pre-ordination retreat; the ordination of priests on 19th June; my first ever Holy Communion presidency on 20th June; the Race for Life on 27th June; and the Diocesan clergy conference from 28th June to 1st July. After all of that, I'll be eagerly looking forward to the visitation from California of my mom, sister, niece and nephew for three weeks! Yay!

A Year of Change

For me, this has been a year of immense change.
This is a reflection on the year that is now coming to its end.

The year began badly. In January 2009, my family and I were focussed completely on prayer for my 51-yr-old brother-in-law, who, on February 7, 2009, sadly lost his battle against heart failure. This was devastating for our family, especially my sister and her two children. I never thought that my brother-in-law's funeral would be the first funeral I would conduct. It was a priviledge to spend three weeks with my sister and her family at that time, but it is now even harder living 6000 miles away from her. And another family bereavement in April, the day before Easter, in fact - my dear stepfather passed away unexpectedly while taking a nap. Very peaceful, which is a blessing, but my sweet mother and all of us miss him so much. These two deaths have made an indelible mark on our lives. I thank God that both of these lovely men had developed trusting relationships with the Lord.

At the beginning of this year, I had a totally different job. I worked in a veterinary laboratory for a university, part-time. I have worked in science for 20 years, before my ordination in July of this year. So my job change has been a big change! To be honest, I was so ready to begin full-time ministry that I couldn't wait to leave my old job, even though I had enjoyed the work, and worked with good people. I feel a bit guilty that I haven't yet been back for a visit since I left. But, no regrets about leaving. I am so thankful that this vocational change is proving so fulfilling.

Also at the beginning of the year, I was still in training for ordination. My ordination training course was three years long, and in that time I made some lifelong friends and learned so much. But no theoretical training can prepare anyone for the realities of ordained ministry, I'm now finding out!

In July my mother came over from California for my ordination. What a wonderful day it was! I felt supported by family, friends and parishioners from my sending church and my new parish. Since then, it has felt a bit like a roller-coaster ride: anxiety, suspense, and fear, but also exhilaration, excitement and fun! I've noticed the fear has decreased a lot over the past 6 months, mostly replaced by an adrenaline edge that can be very energising, rather than a hindrance.

We were taught in 'vicar school' that one of the most important things affecting our curacy is our relationship with our training incumbent (the vicar in charge). And in this, I have been blessed, because my training incumbent and I have very similar theologies, and we get along very well. He has a good understanding of different personalities, including his own, and is gracious to people (including me) because of that. He's humble, and that is a big thing. He has allowed me to proceed in this curacy with as little or as much support and direction as I want or need. I know other curates whose training incumbents control virtually their every move, and I wouldn't like that.

In the midst of all the new experiences of meeting so many new people in the parish, taking different kinds of services, regular preaching, conducting funerals, and working together in a ministry team towards an exciting new future for the parish, I have found it challenging to keep up the home front. My husband and children have adapted very well to all the changes, but it isn't easy for any of us. I now work a lot at home, if I'm not out visiting people or at church. I do short bursts of housework in between doing ministry-related things. But even after everyone else gets home from school or from work, I continue to do both housework and ministry work. So it can feel a bit unfair, and like I'm working all the time. And that can be draining. I don't think I've learned yet how to take time out for myself that would refresh me. And I really could do with getting more exercise. I try hard to minimise the effects this new 'job' could have on my husband and children, but there isn't much time left for me. I have, however, managed to find time to re-connect with many of my old friends from high school through Facebook, which has been really satisfying and heart-warming. What great memories, and how wonderful to see people as they are now (they've aged, like I have! lol).

I'm excited about the coming year. Many new things are going to begin at church, offering new training experiences for me. And I'll continue trying to keep everything running smoothly at home. I'm looking forward to the summer when I will be ordained as a priest, and the additional changes that will bring to my ministry. And my lovely mother, sister, and niece and nephew are coming over to England this summer, too. I hope it is a brighter year, but whatever happens, I know that God is with me. I will sign off with one of my favourite Old Testament quotes: Joshua 1:9
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified or discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Four months in

Two weeks in a row without preaching, so I can’t post a sermon, but thought it would be a good idea to ponder a bit on the past four months. Has it really been that long? Actually, I can hardly remember life before ordination, now. I feel like a different person… in a good way!

I’m really happy with the way things are going. There are plenty of challenges and opportunities, and now I have a greater confidence that God is with me, equipping me to tackle more than I could have imagined when I started training three years ago.

Getting to know people in the parish has been amazing. I’m so grateful for the warm welcome people have shown to me since I started my curacy. And many have been so open, often sharing very deep issues. It is interesting to note the differences and similarities between my new parish and my sponsoring parish. I can appreciate different things about both parishes now.

One of my greatest challenges so far has been visiting people in their homes. Initially the summer holidays seemed to conspire against me; many people weren’t at home when I called and my timing seemed to be off. But now the parish schedule is picking up apace, so time is the main issue. There seems to be so much that sidetracks me from making pastoral visits to parishioners, and I often feel guilty about that. Sermons and service prep are two things I spend a lot of time on, along with continuing education sessions for curates, lots of various meetings, and study days. But I know that visiting people is very important, so that’s one area I hope to improve over the next four months!


Memorable experiences from the past four months:

*A weekend away with the youth group – a chance to play table tennis!
*Leading the informal service on the theme of ‘Community’
*Leading the Harvest parade service – the church was so beautifully decorated
*Taking my first funeral – most new curates have an understandable anxiety about the great privilege and responsibility that goes with this ministerial occasion
*Involvement in the music group – playing praise songs on my guitar with a group is something I love
*Seeing my ex-fellow-ordinands at IME sessions and sharing our experiences
*The amazingly harmonious PCC meetings! (I'm assured they've not always been that way)
*Speaking to the Ladies Fellowship about my life so far – that was a bit daunting
*Attending a conference for evangelical women clergy (Awesome)


and looking forward to:

*The parish ‘away day’ for Growth Action Planning, and all that comes out of that day
*Advent and Christmas for the first time with this new parish
*Getting involved with the local primary school, the sea cadets and the RNLI
*The Alpha course and the new toddler group, both starting in January

I suppose there is a lot more I could say on reflection, but many things are confidential in this line of work and so I have to keep it fairly general here. I'm just really thankful for this job, which isn't really a job. I pray for strength and endurance to go for the long run. And I pray for the people of my parish. May God bless us and keep us all.